The Old Bunny...
When I was pregnant with my oldest child I was 32 years old. I had a Beauty Salon business. I was very happy and I really wanted a baby. Almost immediately, I felt sicko-sick. I was dreadfully tired and my mental state was a state I had never before been in touch with.
I loved my work, but now every time I shampooed a head of hair I ran to the bathroom. As the months progressed along, (of course lots of advice in a salon) everyone would tell me "You should be over that sickness by now..." but I wasn't. The worst was my mental state of mind... For one thing, I was tired and worn, nothing tasted good and EVERYTHING I ate was released from my body (in one form or another)!!! I tromped around really with the worst mental state of mind.
I decided to decorate the nursery in bunnies and sheep. It was really cute... and of course with my love of sewing, it was fun!
Throughout the pregnancy I was aware of others that were pregnant. I remember hearing them say it was the best they had ever felt....!?!?!!!??!!
I sure wasn't there!
I would hear people say they felt this strong connection to the baby... in all honesty, I felt no connection at all... I just felt sick... physically AND mentally!
I remember as the time grew closer for the birth I became scared. What if I couldn't do this? What if I was a terrible mom? After all, I felt nothing when all these other women were connected... and had no glow! All I had was sunken, dark-circle eyes and a pale skin tone.
The day arrived that labor kicked in... LONG labor... LONG, BACK labor... He was turned the wrong way... of course... at that point there was no choice but to just get it out... and at 4:00AM after a long night... out came 6lb Baby Taylor!!!!
He was the tiniest thing I had ever seen!
From the first moment, as I was still being stitched up... I couldn't believe he was real, and that he was mine for a short time.
Everyone was tired, the doctor left... my husband went home to rest... and then there remained the baby and Momma!
I watched him and watched him... I knew without a doubt, my life would never be the same again. Of all the things that had ever happened to me in life... nothing would ever compare to this new journey I was about to begin!!!
I knew the meaning of my life had been forever changed in a minute. I now knew what connection on another level was... and so it began... there was so many moments that wrapped themselves around my heart. They changed who I was... they changed what was important and what wasn't. No holiday was ever the same... I loved being my boys mom!
As the years progressed, they went by so fast... the most cherished moments in life have been with those boys... It's hard to really explain a mother's love.
She would drive, fly, walk, climb anywhere she knew her peeps were.
She would spend an entire weekend on a school bus attending a school event when she really doesn't even like other people's kids!!! She would sew all night to deliver the perfect Halloween suit with a tail. Her heart wells up so much that she thinks it might explode when she sees her child asleep with the family dog. There is peace in her heart when the last present is under the tree. She will scrape and save to make sure her little one has what he needs without them ever knowing the war that raged to get there. She has a sixth-sense about danger and she will fight many-a-battle on her knees in prayer... because she knows that only God Himself could create this beautiful creature.
This mom species will roar like a lion when needed and she will whisper like the wind to help repair a broken heart. She will cook and clean and cook and clean, but if they need her, she will desert it all to get to them. There are days when she needs tough love like steel... inside her heart is breaking but that child needs her to be strong as a steel post... unwavering...and this time it's to stand up for them when they can't see the way.
Motherhood isn't for the faint of heart... and it's filled with mistakes because our children learn best when we mess up... that's right!!! They need real human Mommas, not perfect ones... but ones where a mother's love shines so brightly-- that even through the mess-ups-- a child cannot miss it!!! Love really does conquer all. Someday... you reach the other side of motherhood and as you turn around and look back you realize it was the best trip... EVER!!! You don't look the same as you did when you started the journey... you definitely don't think the same... and you aren't the same... it's all real and it's all so much better....
"Real isn't how you are made" said the skin horse, "It's a thing that happens to you..."
"That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept..."
"When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become real"
"Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are real, you can't be ugly... except to people who don't understand"
-The Velveteen Rabbit